Fun Stuff, Joke, Adult Joke, Funny Quote, Funny One Liner, Humor, Humor Story, Humor Quote

This man was sitting quietly reading his paper one morning,
peacefully enjoying himself, when his wife sneaks up behind him
and whacks him on the back of his head with a huge frying pan.

"What was that for?"

"What was that piece of paper in your pants pocket with the name
Marylou written on it"

"Oh honey, remember two weeks ago when I went to the horse races?
Marylou was the name of one of the horses I bet on."

The wife is satisfied, apologizes, and goes off to do work around
the house.

Three days later he is once again sitting in his chair reading
and she repeats the frying pan swatting.

"What was that for this time?"

"Your horse phoned!"

...

Then the same husband telephoned his family doctor and said that he
was afraid that his teenaged son had come down with V.D.

"He says he hasn't had sex with anyone but the maid, so it has to
be her."

"Don't worry too much," advised the doctor. "These things
happen."

"I know, doctor," said the father, "but I have to admit that I've
been sleeping with the maid also. I seem to have the same
symptoms."

"That's unfortunate."

"Not only that, I think I've passed it to my wife."

"Oh God," said the doc,

"That means we all have it."

Becky was on her deathbed. Her husband, Jake, was maintaining a
vigil by her side. He held her fragile hand, tears ran down his
face. His praying roused her from her slumber. She looked up and
her pale lips began to move slightly.

"My darling Jake," she whispered.

"Hush, my love," he said. "Rest. Shhh. Don't talk."

She was insistent. "Jake," she said in her tired voice. "I have
something I must confess to you."

"There's nothing to confess," replied the weeping Jake.
"Everything's all right, go to sleep."

"No, no. I must die in peace, Jake. I slept with your brother,
your best friend and your father."

"I know darling," ....he replied.

"That's why I poisoned you."

Dear Sir,

I am writing to ask your help in locating my missing wife. We were on a wonderful trip to Africa for our honeymoon several months ago. On our flight back, we had a connection in England and somehow became separated. I had her paged for several hours and then contacted local and international police to assist me in locating her.

To date, all of our attempts to find her have been unsuccessful. I am now desperate to find my lost love and am trying to use the Internet to locate her. Please forward this to everyone you know so I can spread the word on locating my missing wife.

Mr. Richard Small
Portland,
Oregon,
USA



After a few weeks search ....



Dear Mr. Small,

We have found your wife in Africa of all places. However, it is unknown how she got here, nor is she able to talk because of lockjaw, but we are under the impression that she does not want to leave. We have tried for several days to bring her back home, but she is insistent on staying here.

I have enclosed a picture for you to see that she is okay. Do not worry, because she is in good hands here in this village. Please contact us if there is anything else you might want to know.

Nairobi Police Department

Click here to see attached photo.

A young man is on a date with a young woman and they go parking.
After some heavy petting the young man asks the young woman for
oral sex.

"No", says the young woman, "you won't respect me."

So the young man is content to wait. After they had been dating a
few months, the young man again asks the young woman for oral
sex. Again she replies,

"No, you won't respect me."

Eventually the two get married and the husband asks his bride

"Honey, please, we're married now. You know I love you and
respect you. Can I please have oral sex?".

"No", she says "I just know that if I do that, you won't respect
me."

So the man waits. And waits... And waits.... After 20 years of
marriage the man says,

"Honey, we've been together 20 wonderful years now. We've raised
three beautiful kids. You KNOW that I love you and respect you
completely. How about oral sex, just once???? Please??????"

So the wife finally gives in to her husband's wish and performs
oral sex on him. After she is done they are lying in bed relaxing
and the telephone rings. The husband turns to his wife and says,

"Answer that you cocksucker."

There was this blonde who just got sick and tired of all the
blonde jokes she'd hear at the office. So one evening she went
home and memorized all the state capitals.

Back in the office the next day, some guy started telling a Dumb
Blonde joke. She interrupted him with a shrill announcement,

"I've had it up to here with these blonde jokes. I want you to
know that this blonde went home last night and did something
probably none of you could do...I memorized all the state
capitals."

One of the guys said "I don't believe you."

She said, "It's true. Just test me!"

"Okay. What is the capital of Alaska," he asked?

"A" she answered.