Dwarf Joke

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A little dwarf lady goes into her doctor's office complaining of
an irritated crotch. After an examination the doctor sighs,

"I don't seem to see any problem. Does it get better or worse at
any time?"

"Yeah, its really bad whenever it rains." she replies.

"Well, then," says the Doc, "Next time it rains, get in here at
once, and we'll take another look at it."

Two weeks later it's raining really hard, and the little lady
shows up at the doctor's office.

"Doctor, it's really bad today. Please, you have to help me!!"

"Well, let's have a look," he says as he lifts her up onto the

"Oh, yes, I think I see the problem. Nurse, bring me a surgical
kit. Don't worry ma'am this won't hurt a bit."

The dwarf lady closes her eyes in painful anticipation. The
doctor begins snipping away and finishes a few minutes later.

"There you go, ma'am, try that."

She walks back and forth around the office and exclaims,

"That's great, Doc, what did you do?!"

To which the doctor replied,

"I just took a couple of inches off the top of your rain boots."

Confession Joke

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Two teenage boys turned up at church and the first went in for
confession. He told the priest he'd had sex the night before.

"Who was the girl involved?" asked the priest.

"I don't know, it was dark," replied the boy.

"Was it Bernadette McLafferty?"

The boy said he still didn't know.

"Was it Theresa O'Hare.........or Rosemary McGinty?" asked the

"I don't know, it was too dark," insisted the boy.

"Could it have been Anne-Marie, the baker's daughter?" asked the

The boy continued to deny any knowledge of the girl's identity.

Finally, the exasperated priest sent the boy away and told him to
return when he could reveal the girl's name.

Outside his friend was waiting anxiously.

"Did you get absolution?" he asked.

"Naw," said his pal, "but I got four good leads for this
Saturday night!"

Language Joke

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A Swiss guy, looking for directions, pulls up at a bus stop where
two Englishmen are waiting.

"Entschuldigung, koennen Sie Deutsch sprechen?" he says.

The two Englishmen just stare at him.

"Excusez-moi, parlez vous Francais?"

The two continue to stare.

"Parlare Italiano?"

No response,

"Hablan ustedes Espanol?"

Still nothing.

The Swiss guy drives off, extremely disgusted.

The first Englishman turns to the second and says, "Y'know, maybe
we should learn a foreign language...."

"Why?" says the other, "That bloke knew four languages, and it
didn't do him any good."